If you want to buy one, I’m selling them here:

http://motleymuse.spreadshirt.com

Make some rice. Basmati is preferable, but any kind will do. Even brown if you’re a hippy type.

While the rice is cooking, put a tablespoon of olive oil into a deep skillet.

Cut up an onion (red onion is yummy for this recipe) and let it cook while you cut up a green bell pepper, which you throw in as well. Let those cook for a minute or so, then add a decent amount of garlic.

Mix in a can of kidney beans, and a can of diced tomatoes, juice and all.

Dump a can each of black beans and garbanzos in a colander and rinse all the crap off of them.

Put three tablespoons of peanut butter, a tablespoon of curry, a tablespoon of ginger, a teaspoon of cumin, a teaspoon of salt, and a bit of cayenne pepper into the skillet and gently stir until incorporated.

Now mix in the black beans and garbanzos and let the whole thing simmer until your rice is done.

Enjoy with your favorite gamelan music and shadow drama.

If you already have the spices, the whole thing will cost around $5 for 4 servings.

Sarah really likes the vegetarian black bean soup from Panera, but a) we’re poor and b) I really like to cook. Here’s a recipe that is just as good if not better.

Drain four cans of black beans and rinse them in a colander.

Chop and sautee in olive oil 1 large onion, 6 cloves of garlic, 4 stalks of celery, 1 red bell pepper until transluscent. Add half the beans, two or three cubes of vegetable bullion and a couple of cups of water. Simmer for five or ten minutes.

Take the whole mess and put it into a blender, food processor, or what have you. Puree the hell out of it, then dump it back into the pot.

Juice two lemons into the soup. Watch for the seeds. No one likes lemon seeds.

Add the rest of the beans and let simmer for as long as you can stand it.

Serve with tortilla chips or crusty bread, top with cheese, maybe some sour cream. Enjoy.

A cup or so of diced onions, celery, and peppers which is sold combined and frozen. These were caramelized in a couple of tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil.

Six cans of garbanzo beans, which were a dollar each. They were rinsed well, placed in the pot with enough water to cover them, and then boiled along with a 1 lb. bag of frozen spinach. I added a small handful of cumin, a smaller handful of cayenne pepper, some salt, and about a 1/4 cup of cheap red wine vinegar.

In another pot, I heated a 1/4 cup of extra-virgin olive oil and fried six or seven cloves of garlic until they were golden brown and crunchy. Removed. I then browned five slices of daily-special french bread until golden brown and crunchy. All of the golden brown and crunchy things were mashed in a bowl.

I poured the mashed-up stuff into the boiling mixture of garbanzos and spinach and let simmer…